Why is the step mother mean?
What is a stepmother?
Where is her dad?
Why is her dress ripped?
Why is she running ffrom the prince?
Why is she embarrassed?
Is THAT guy mean?
Why is that guy telling her to run?
Mom does this part scare you?
Mom, hide under the table.
Mom look at the animal Moms and their babies.
Mom look at the house.

This is 1/3 (no exaggeration) of the questions that the boys just fired at me in a matter of 3 minutes watching Snow White.  I thought a video might give me a few minutes to relax with my coffee and possibly blog.  :)  Ahh, life at home with little ones.  I love it.  Mama also needs quiet though.  I know I'll get it in about 18 years or so and then I'll beg them to stay at home and make some noise.

Week one is OVER!  They have not complained at all.  I am so glad that it is going well. I thought they'd be more uncomfortable than they are.

They each chose their colors and have plans to choose red tomorrow when they are taken off and replaced.   They are pretty much getting around like they normally would.

Legos have saved the day!  They sit at the table with Jared and play for hours.  My nephew Colin gave them some and then we bought a couple more little sets.  Saturday and Sunday they pretty much played all day.  Yay.

Sunday they played outside for about an hour which was SO necessary.  They haven't been falling asleep until almost 10 because they aren't burning as much energy.  Still though it is going unbelievable well and we were even able to go to church Saturday night and hang out with Tanner and Stephanie at their house yesterday.

 

New Family Member(s)!!

I am still not real sure how this came about but I got on board and we are the proud parents to Mocha and Buttercup, our guinea pigs.

I still don't have a good pic of Mocha because he is a bit nervous. Needless to say, nerves, a 19 month old and 4 year old twin boys DON'T go well together therefore I don't want to stress her further with photos.

Here is Buttercup.


The boys love them. They sing them bed time songs. Eli was holding buttercup the other day and said "Hey, I am like a Dad!" So cute. Alex is yet to hold them but does pet them and is great at changing their water daily. It is a little more work then we initially thought it would be but part of that is because we are neurotic and don't want our house to smell like we have guinea pigs which requires a LOT of cage cleaning.

(Ignore the jammies.  Sometimes on days we have nowhere to go "getting dressed" means go throw on a fleece over your pj's so you are not cold.  Are we the only ones like this?)

Since I started this post yesterday the boys have decided that Mocha is now "chippy". Poor thing is going to have a complex. She was originally named "Oreo" by her previous family but she was brown and white. I couldn't keep up the charade because alas she was NOT the color of an Oreo and so she became Mocha b/c she is more the color of my morning coffee. :)


In other news the casts are being put on on Wednesday and as of last night Eli is sporting an eye patch in order to strengthen an ever weakening eye. My sometimes less than coordinated child will be hobbling around  and only able to see out of one eye for 6 hours/day.  Not sure how THAT is going to work out.  I was kind of surprised by the amount of time.  Everyone else I talked to about patches said it was usually about 2 hours a day.

I have to kind of laugh about all this.  It is a crazy "preemie" life I continue to lead.  We haven't had much preemie drama regarding the boys for a couple of years and now it abounds complete with the breathing treatments that they haven't required in forever.  Oh well.  I am so happy to get all of this done before kindergarten.

By the way in case anyone is feeling bad for my boys Eli LOVES his patch and we talked to them about casts last night and they are both excited!  I am sure that will all change once the casts are on but at least they are not worrying about it.

RANDOM

Hola!  I am home.  Jared is at church with the boys.  Addie is asleep.  My usual weekly break.  I was actually going to church this week but Addie woke up this morning with a cold so instead I am home and still plugging away at the picture project.

I thought I'd lost about a year and a half of pictures but found them on our external hard drive because my AWESOME husband had already backed them up and we just forgot.  YAY!

I also FORGOT my age this past month.  Jared and I were on a date a couple of weeks ago and we discussed my upcoming birthday (JUNE) and he said I'd be 37.  I was like "weird, I REALLY thought I was 35 and turning 36 this year, silly me".  This has been messing with my head since then.  I felt SO much closer to 40.  I have been convinced that my hair is thinning.  If you know me you are cracking up because I have a mane of hair, tons!  I also am seeing extra wrinkles and bought night cream.  Fast forward to 2 nights ago.  The boys kept waking for various reasons and as usual I couldn't get back to sleep.  I was lying there contemplating my life and FINALLY did the math and realized that I AM 35.  I really wanted to jab Jared and tell him he was a jerk for lying to me.  When I texted him later that day he couldn't believe it either.  He thought we were both 36.  Yep, we are LOSING it.  But at least we are losing it together.  Isn't that what marriage and parenting is all about??  :)

Speaking of catching up with pictures.  I am printing some from January 2010 and watching videos from then and I am pretty sure that I feel PHYSICAL PAIN when I look at and listen to my sweet wittle bubbies.  Sorry, about the baby talk but really such wittle bitty sweeties. Ugh, melt my heart.

Speaking of my little boys.  We went to Physical Therapy today and the plan is to cast their legs (foot to just below the knee) for 4-6 weeks.  CASTS.  BOTH LEGS.  BOTH 4 year old boys.  I am still in a bit of shock.  We have known it was a possibility but now I am thinking of day to day life with 2 boys with both legs casted.  Yikes.  Deep breaths.

I do know that this is SO minor compared to what we could be facing with twin 27 weekers though.  I HAVE to say that because I sit in the waiting room at their rehab office and see exhausted parents (often single & doing it ALL by themselves) and their beautiful children with severe disabilities.  I don't know why that is not us but I do know that I will try and not complain about casts.  Perspective.  It is a beautiful thing.

Well that's what is going on here.  No pics on this post.  I am too busy trying to cash in on penny prints from Snapfish.  It ends tonight.  Yes, I am the procrastination queen.

Where to begin...

As I mentioned the boys various appointment and Addie's have all gone well.  I can't explain the feeling when you are told your 4 1/2 year olds who have been doing wonderfully may have something wrong neurologically.  It's a bad one.  The good part of the memory of that night was that I treated the boys to Panera and a pumpkin cookie.  We had the best time.  I worked through the overwhelmed feelings in my usual way with some heavy carbs.  :)

Seriously, though we have jumped through SO MANY hoops since then.  I have made countless phone calls and appointments due to this single appointment.  It turned our home upside down for weeks on end.  We met with the OT finally and she indicated that there were NO red flags.  She didn't even think insurance would  cover any further appointments.  There only issue is muscle weakness which 1) is typical for preemies and 2) can be remedied with some fun games like wheel barrow and crawling around in forts and stuff to build upper arm strength which in turn helps their muscles that help them write.  Crazy, right??  Anyways that and some fine motor work through play.

PT FREEKED out when they saw how Alex sits with his legs bent behind him.  We are working on that.  Addie does the same exact thing and we have to tell her "fix your leg" and she pops it out in front of her.  It is really cute.  Ok back to the boys.  So OT sees no need for concern.  The square drawing that concerned the neurologist is not a skill they need to have until 5.  The original reason for the MRI's were 1) ankle tightness (can be helped through PT) 2) delay in the square writing thing (not a delay b/c they aren't over 5 years old) 3) brain bleeds (which was misinformation because Alex didn't have one and although Eli did it was a grade 1).

I wasn't super comfortable with the sedated MRI and now that some of this doctors concerns may have been a bit premature I decided I wanted a 2nd opinion.  I got in this past Monday and our neurosurgeon who has seen Eli since he was born and sees Addie felt they were doing quite well and would not refer for a MRI.  Yay. This doctor is one of the best in the state and I felt he had a better handle on their history. He indicated that their tightness was pretty typical given their history.  We will continue to watch the boys but at this point we will just be doing some OT and PT at home based upon the homework we were given from these specialists. I am not quite sure why we were referred to neurology and wish we could have started with the neurosurgeon but live and learn.  

As far as Addie is concerned she is still receiving Early On due to her gross motor delay although as I have mentioned she has since been standing and cruising furniture.  The PT who came out this week indicated that she is within normal range when you correct her age and that she did not qualify for her program.  She did want us to keep working with her on "fixing her leg" but said she was a physical therapists dream.  She also said that for fine motor she does some things that put her at a 3 year old level.  So funny.  Couldn't my preemies have had the same deficits instead of complete opposites.  :)

This post is kind of all over the place and I don't feel like I'm explaining it all as well as I could but this is as good as it is going to get.  All of these exercises and activities are definitely keeping us busy but Jared and I don't forget that we are so blessed to have these 3.

My sweet little 27 weekers.

We sent our laptop that we thought was a goner because it took FOREVER to turn on to our computer guy (who's 19 years old) for a last ditch effort. He repaired it and it runs great so I am on it currently. It is so nice to have back because now the boys play computer games and they each have their own laptop. This gives me some down time during Addie's morning nap and they are learning while playing. Win, win!

Anyways, while on this computer I started looking at the old photos that were taken well before I started blogging. I thought I'd share them.

This is me doing kangaroo care with Alex. So tiny.

This is Jared with Alex. We weren't able to hold Eli at this point because he was too sick and breathing was his priority.


This was taken about a month before they were born. I look at this Jared and feel like I need to warn him about what our lives will be like and how difficult our first several months with our first born children will be. He looks SO young.

This is me. I was considered full term size at this point which was not quite 6 months into the pregnancy.


Sometimes where we came from is a good reminder for how good we have it. This afternoon I am headed to meet with a woman who works with high risk 4 year olds to prepare them for kindergarten. We are not in the program but are on a waiting list. This all started when our pediatrician referred us to neurology due to some tip toe walking. The neurologist felt there was a deficit due to their inability to copy his drawing of a square. It has since been explained to me that they were watching to see if their brain had developed to the point where they are crossing a midline meaning using both hemispheres at the same time. (I am probably butchering this explanation but this is new to me.) Anyways, they may not be doing this SO they were referred for MRI's (yuck, they have to be sedated) to make sure it is not fluid pressing on that particular part of the brain. And they were reffered for a educational eval. and occupational therapy.

I didn't really see this coming because they know all their letters and their sounds, some sight words, numbers, etc. I felt like I'd prepared them but if their brain can't cross this particular midline they won't developmentally be able to do certain things. This is where OT will come in and part of the reason that I am meeting with her today is for her to give me a book on fine/gross motor games and activities.

It's been a couple of weeks since this was all thrown at us and we are taking it in stride. Doctors warn you when your children are struggling for the first few months of life as a preemie that learning disabilities are a possibility and you feel like laughing at them because that seems so trivial compared to what they are facing BUT now that school is approaching it kind of hits closer to home. No Mom or Dad wants there child to have to struggle. We are definitely not freaking out and the boys are SO bright and do so well but this is a bridge we are currently crossing. We want to give them every bit of help they may need and look forward to being given the tools we need.

So LOTS of appointments for us over the next several months. We are not sure if kindergarten will be in Fall 2012 or 2013. All of these evals. will give us more of an idea of what we are working with.

Chickened Out Again

*I wrote this post below last week. I chickened out on pouring it all out there but am sharing now. Details regarding appointment will be below original post.


enlarged ventricle

I'm realizing that I tend to write about our trials when we are on the other side of them. Unfortunately, that is not reality because before we are on the other side of them there's the hard part.

This time I plan to share all of it. Maybe for keepsake's sake, maybe to get it out of my head and on "paper", maybe because I want more people to pray for my girl. Whatever my intention, here's the story from the beginning, when I don't know what the end will be.

My sweet little Addie girl. Has an enlarged ventricle. This usually indicates a blockage. This can mean increased pressure on the brain. To release the pressure a shunt it usually put in. She'd always have it. The pressure that may exist already can cause damage. That is what we want to avoid.

Here's the catch we can't proceed until I meet with a neurologist. I called for an appointment today and they said they could see her in JULY. Seriously? Apparently, YES.

My Dr. is trying to make it a bit quicker. That is probably prayer request 1. 2. well I am not sure what 2 is. I know that I want her to be fine.

We are trying not to get ahead of ourselves with this so the sooner the appointment the better.

I remember when Eli had fluid on his brain it was on the surface and the neurologist kept saying that is was good that it was on the surface and not in the ventricles. This is obviously not a comfort to me now. The enlarged ventricle could mean it is in fact fluid in the ventricle. There are obviously lots of "could be's".

Fast forward to today......

After I wrote that post the pediatrician called and I was supposed to call Neurosurgery not Neurology. They were able to get me in today (Monday, 25th). This was big for me. I felt like God was telling me "I got this" and I knew He did. How he would choose to "have it" I was not sure.

Sunday, the elders of the church prayed over us and Addie. It was such a huge encouragement to me and Jared.

Today, they repeated the head ultrasound (the first one was done 6 days ago). He agreed that there was fluid but he did NOT find the ventricles enlarged beyond a normal range. He wants to keep track of her head growth but he has no concern that their is pressure. We see him again in 3 months. He hopes, much like with Eli, that as her body develops it will absorb the fluid as it should.

We are relieved and thankful and in awe. This kid is making us crazy. :) I'm kidding, kind of.

Here are some pictures of the trouble maker. BTW she is 9 1/2 months old. Ridiculous.

In this bottom picture I was trying to capture one of my favorite Addie things.....her wrists. I love the fat roll on her wrists. That extra skin that she'll grow into. Uh.. Love It. Yes, I am weird.

These are phone pics again but that is all about to change. Hurry, shipment, hurry!!!

FOUR!

My babies are 4 today. Jared and I have been thinking a lot about 4 years ago. A lot. So many words rush into my mind. So many words that previously bore no relevance in our lives.

Viability

Preemie

Quality of life

Disabilities

990 grams

27 weeks

Fragility of life

"if they go home" being said rather than "when"

Fear

Dark, deep, fear

And thank God there were other words.

Hope

Faith

Love, Intense Love

Marriage

Friendships

Family

Prayer

Sweet, precious babies

Alex

Eli

I cannot speak words that explain what they've done to me, to Jared. For me, For Jared. They've changed us.

This day will not be taken for granted. Their kisses and arms around our necks will be cherished. Those candles being blown out will be monumental. A monument to what we got to keep on April 18th, 2007. A monument to what God had planned for Jared and Becky, Alex and Eli and now Addison. A monument to His Grace poured out on us.

I love you guys.

Thanks for making me a Mommy 4 short years ago.

Finally a hearing update.

I cannot believe the baby of the family is 6 months old. I am SO enjoying having a baby around. That sounds a bit weird because everyone loves babies but I feel like with the boys it was kind of hectic, you know doubling up on everything and I got a bit caught up in the scheduling of things. Now with Addie I soak up more of it because I KNOW (BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT) that she is my last baby. :)

taken via iphone @ Children's Hospital

She's really sweet and let me tell you she is a talker. She wants to be part of the action and don't expect her to sleep or eat if there is something better going on. She is definitely my one that has to be taken to a quiet room sometimes just to chill out. She also has to cry it out a bit before she falls asleep because she fights it SO HARD. Jared is going to laugh at the crying it out thing because he swears I don't do it but I SWEAR I do (just not for long). We all have our limits, right? Her cries pierce my heart sometimes, I can't help it, I am a Mama.

Anyways, little miss 6 months old is a lot of fun and has taught me to go with the flow WAY more than I did with my firsts. Live and learn and all that, I guess.



She is still doing really well on the preemie front and other than a few colds she has had no major issues. She went for a hearing follow up today and they did determine that she needed tubes and she still did not pass the inner ear test due to the fluid. This time however they decided to do a behavioral hearing test. There were actual audible sounds (1st time for this) and the audiologist explained that due to her age (4 months corrected, 6 months actual) they did not expect her to turn her head, so don't be disappointed when she did not, but they were watching her for a startle, blink, small kind of reaction.



I held her on my lap, and acted as if I was not there, as instructed. Inside I got a little nervous. Every parent wants their child to pass tests whether hearing, math or spelling, right? The woman conducting the tests left the booth and began with the sounds. Which went as follows: Sound on right-Addie turned right. Sound on left-Addie turned left. Um, is she passing???? Woman in booth-huge cheesy smile and a thumbs up. I am in shock and thinking she is just trying to encourage a nervous mommy after a few sounds. The sounds continue, Addie responds to each sound appropriately. I shift a little to make sure I am not subconsciously tilting her to the right where the sounds are currently coming from. I know I am such a pillar of faith, aren't I? The sounds continue at different tones and she responds to each.

The woman enters the booth and says she passed with flying colors AND (here comes the part that I can't type without crying) she says she responded to these sounds, developmentally, the way an 8 month old would. Whew, I held back the tears then but am not able to now. We have waited 6 months to hear that she could in fact hear. We have been waiting since I was about 15 weeks pregnant to hear that she was alright developmentally (but that is another LONG post). I am in awe.



As I mentioned, the Dr. did decide that she needs tubes and as she was explaining the process I could hardly concentrate and tears were starting to well up. She probably just thinks that I am another worried parent that is freaking out about the tubes procedure. I was, in fact, thanking God that my daughter can hear and that she is currently developing, not only as she should be, but she is a little ahead of the game.



It's ridiculous. That is currently my most often used phrase right now . When I wake up every morning in a new house where I have a place for everything and know where everything is (unless it is Addie's Birth Certificate form, in that case, NO IDEA). When I figure something out about my new appliances (that are AMAZING) I'll say "This is ridiculous". Seriously, it is not my life since the move or since I realized Addie was doing well it is my life in Christ and without intending to sound disrespectful.....IT IS RIDICULOUS! In an amazing way, a really God-given, God-inspired AMAZING way. That doesn't mean that Jared and I life an idyllic life (have you read this blog?). We have had our trials but we are blessed beyond what we ask or even think.

I told you she was a talker. Doesn't she look like she's on the phone. (5 months old)

5 month paper towel pic. I haven't taken one yet this month.

Becky

Car Seat Test

So peaceful. She has NO idea what she is in for.

Addison passed her car seat test with flying colors. Mommy got extremely nervous when they put her in this GIGANTIC seat. Despite her still only weighing 4 lbs 8 oz they are able to roll blankets (like we did w/ the boys) and make it work. No car bed for us! She had to sit in the car seat with no desats for 30 minutes before she can go home. Did I say "go home"???? :) Hate to leave you with a cliffhanger but that is our lives right now. The bottom line is it could be soon. As our Neonatologist says "Never trust a preemie". She could "change her mind" about coming home at any time.

"I don't know what Mom is worried about this test is SO easy I am bored."

Praying and Growing

Addison is saying her prayers. The nurses said she had had her hands clasped like this througout the night and they said she was praying for her Mommy and Daddy to come visit again. What I noticed in looking at this picture was that this little girl is growing into her pacifier.

(a few days old)

The green pacifier above is actually smaller than the orange one.

(4 weeks old)

She did all but one of her feedings from a bottle in the past 24 hours. I am hoping the ng tube will be coming out soon! She hasn't had any more brady's except while eating which is "normal" in the preemie world. Hoping she will be home by mid next week.

I added this one because I just love the way she is holding her hands. I really cannot wait until the tape is off of her face and I can see all of the cuteness.

6 weeks old

Addison was 6 weeks old yesterday and she weighs 4 lbs. 2 oz. She has turned a corner as of Friday and is taking her bottles better. She still has a way to go but Jared and I are hopeful that she may be home by the weekend.

The boys visited her on Saturday and I am surprised by how much they have warmed up to her, especially Eli. Alex is our lovey boy and he generously gives out hugs and kisses but Eli is a little more reserved. He, however is very generous with Addison. Last night he told me that she needs to come home and she needs that bandaid off of her "mouf". He also said that she needed some chocolate rabbit, Eli's first true love, which, is actually milk with Nesquick in it. :)

We continue to get things in place for her homecoming and pray that her feedings continue to go well.

Change is good, right?

A lot of changes have been happening for our Addie girl. She changed pods, sleeping arrangements and her bottle feedings all in the last few days. She isn't sure if she likes all this change and has been telling us by being REALLY lazy about her bottle feedings. This of course worries Mom and I have spent the past few days feeling pretty anxious. I try to remind myself who is in control (God..not Addie) and that Addison will do what she needs to do when it is right.

As for the changes she has graduated from an isolette to a "crib". I mentioned a while ago that she would be graduating however they waited until this past Tuesday to take her out of the isolette. They didn't see the need to take her out until she got closer to leaving. Preemies burn calories when moving to a crib and dealing with the change and that is not something you want a 2 lb (now 3 lb. 3 oz.) baby to do. We agreed with them and didn't want to rush the process.

Here are her new digs. Please pray that she will take all her feeds from a bottle soon because we miss her when she is not in our arms but knowing she still needs to be there and that she is in good hands is also a great comfort that we are thankful for.

Addie in her big girl crib.

Addie in her isolette (before she graduated to a crib) with a little NICU lesson. :)

4 weeks old

Update: Jared just got home and said that Addison is now going to be taking every other feed from a bottle and that she gained another ounce which makes her 2lbs 15 oz. Tomorrow night she may tip the scales @ 3 lbs! So excited!!!!!

Addison has been outside the womb for 4 entire weeks now and she continues to kick NICU butt! :) She is gaining about an ounce a day and took 4 bottles today! YAY! We visited her with the boys and they are more interested in her which is really sweet. Eli just kept saying "awww, she's so cute!" and Alex remarked on her little eyes and hands. I think they will like having her home and so far they are super gentle around her but that could be because Jared and I are hovering very closely.

The big news of the day on the homefront is that they boys are back in the same room. We aren't getting many (or any) bites on selling our home so we bit the bullet and put them back together. Naptime was a bust but so far tonight it is quiet. It is kind of weird because they just seem so grown up now. I just let them have their lamp on for 10 minutes so that they could "read" and when I went back in they were actually just laying there looking at books. Weird?!?

Back to the NICU world: Addison has a head ultrasound tomorrow and we are hoping that there are still no bleeds or cause for concern. This is a standard test done at 7 and 28 days. The Nurse Practicioner thought Addie could be headed home in a couple of weeks if she keeps gaining and takes her bottles well. We are thrilled and praying for her continued NICU success.

A Good Day

It is only 9 a.m. but I am going to declare this a good day or should I say a "well" day. I just spoke with Addison's nurse and she had a great night and took her full 25 cc bottle "well". They NEVER say "well". It is always "poor" to "fair". As a parent it is a bummer to hear anything but "YOUR CHILD IS AMAZING!" and I already hate "fair to poor". :) Silly, I know. Anyways, little miss thing has been taking a full bottle "well" for Mommy for weeks but she has been refusing to do that for the nurses other than periodically. I've been a bit discouraged about it that past few days and wishing that I could be there for more feedings.

Addie's "performance" depends on whether or not she takes the full feeding from a bottle without them having to gavage part of it. It also depends on how well she does with her a's and b's and breathing. This is one time in her life I DON'T want her to get a's and b's because that stands for apneas and bradys. It also depends on her taking it within 30 minutes. If it takes her much more time than that it wears her out too much.

I credit Addie's bottle success for me to my stubborness. I am determined to keep her awake until she swallows every last bit. Jared and family remind me that it has a lot to do with the fact that I am her Mommy and I love that perspective also. I love being this girl's Mommy. She has definitely stolen my heart. This is why I want her home and in order to get here she has to take all 8 feedings from a bottle. We are still working on doing 3 "well". I know she will do it when she is physically ready but the sooner the better.

On a side note: she is 2 lbs 12 ounces and her little cheeks are filling out nicely.

As far as the rest of this "good day", it is supposed to be 78 and sunny AND Jared doesn't have to work late. Sounds like a perfect forecast to me.

A Visit With My Girl

I had such a nice visit with my Addie girl today. It is always a nice visit actually. It was hard to leave her. I miss her and want her home although I know she is better off there for now. Little miss weighs a whopping 2 lbs. 8 oz. now. She is taking 24 cc's and as of this morning is maintaining her body temperature without assitance from the isolette. She should be in a "crib" tomorrow if her temps continue to be normal. It really feels like it is going fast and I predict that she will be home in a few weeks as long as the weight gain and feeding keep going in the direction that they are.

Bottle Feeding

Addison is doing really well with her feeding which, for this little one is what it is ALL about. The boys had more issues than we could keep track of but she is there to pretty much feed and grow. Yesterday they started doing 3 bottle feeds (the rest are gavage feedings, which is why she has the tape "moustache" it helps hold the tube in place) and today they are going for 4. She will need to do all 8 feedings from a bottle before coming home. I can't believe how fast this is all moving. She is, however, still only about 2lbs. 5 oz. so we have some more time because the Dr. that I spoke with today said they like them to be closer to 4 lbs before discharge. She is taking 20 cc's and still has not had a distended tummy again which is wonderful.

This picture is of the first time Jared fed her. I am so proud of him. He's such a great Daddy. AND without going into great detail he has been a wonderful husband. I had some incision issues (from the C-section) and the Doctor showed Jared how to take care of the wound. Yikes, poor guy! Oh the joys and realities of married life.

Mommy's turn!

Last night Jared came home from work exhausted. His usual routine is he heads to work in the morning and once he gets home we quickly grab dinner, play with the boys, put them to bed and he heads up to the hospital and stays for a few hours. It makes for a REALLY long day. I am always a little bummed at night when he heads to the hospital because I am really missing Addison by then and I miss just hanging out at home with my husband BUT last night I got to go up there again and I was SO excited.

The below picture is of her weigh-in. Every night they take her out of her isolette and weigh her and then they change her bedding. Last night she was wide awake and alert so I snagged some great pictures. Unfortunately after this the nurse noticed that Addie has kicked her way out of her IV and needed a new one. I am not squeamish about needles or my kids being stuck with them. I am a NICU mom and shots/needles are nothing compared to vents and desats. I stood there patiently waiting for my turn to hold my girl. I was calm during the first 2 or 3 IV attempts but on about the 4gth attempt, when they tried the vein in her head and that didn't' work either I was done. I told them I needed a break and went and had a breakDOWN. I prayed and prayed that they would get the IV in and when I returned they had been successful. My baby however was exhausted. It was pitiful. She sobbed during the first few attempts and then just laid there. I think that is what got to me the most. She had no energy left to even cry.

The nurse suggested that she stay in her isolette for her feeding since she was so exhausted so I "held" her again with my arms through the holes in her isolette cradling her head in one hand and her feet in the other. As horrible of a night as it was I was still thankful that I was there for her as much as I could be. I am looking forward to seeing her again today and praying that I get to hold her for a while.

Here she is being weighed. She weighed in at 940 grams which is almost back to her birth weight!

She was SO awake and alert.

Big news!

I fed Addison a bottle! Her nurse tried yesterday and she took the whole thing. Today I asked the nurse whether she would be doing a gavage feeding or from a bottle and she said "we could try a bottle again if you'd like" and then she said "are you ready?" To which I replied "No, but I know I need to be." I had flashbacks to feeding the boys for the first time and due to their breathing issues it involved a LOT of desats, choking and spitting up. I remember the first time I fed Alex I just wanted to quit and go cry in a corner. It was traumatic and nothing like what a child's first feeding should be. I braced myself for this experience again and Addison decided she would take it easy on me. I am telling you we women stick together from the womb. :) She also has not had one big nasty diaper for me however she gives Jared quite a mess to clean up on a regular basis.

She took the full 9 cc's which is her new feeding amount since her belly was distended. She didn't choke or desat or spit it back at me! It was a truly a beautiful experience. It tired her out completely though and she had to be put right back in her isolette. I was bummed not to be able to hold her longer but I knew she needed the rest. I "held" her in the way any preemie parent is used to doing. I had my hands in her isolette one on her head and one on her little butt. I would love to show you pictures of the feeding but I completely forgot to have the nurse take one. I will try tomorrow. I am hoping we will move up to 2 bottle feedings a day so that Jared can give her one at night when he visits. As I fed her it all kind of came back to me except the burping part. I had to call a nurse over and have her remind me how to hold a 2 lb. baby and burp her. I have burped the boys a million times but something about a "fragile" preemie makes you question pounding on their back for a burp. I did fine after a brief reminder and she burped like a good girl. Mission Accomplished!

It is getting hard to just see her once a day but we want the boys to have a somewhat normal life at home too and that is a sacrifice Jared and I are both making. I hope to see her more this weekend and I think Nani and Papa will come so that we can both go together to see her a couple of times. I miss her the moment I hit the elevator each day and from that moment on I want to go right back to the NICU but when I am there I am thinking of the boys and what they are doing. I hope this goes by quickly so that we aren't quite as torn but in the mean time I am SO thankful that she is doing so well again and that is what I will try and focus on.