I think what I miss most about being home with Jared, Alex and Eli are all the ordinary moments. This is the hardest part of this journey for me. I call home during the day sometimes and talk to whoever is watching them. I can hear them playing or singing in the background and all I want is to be there to feed them lunch, to break up their fights, to sing and laugh with them. It is very difficult. I tease Jared that if he sees a cab pull up to the house it is me and I have decided to escape the hospital for the night.
Jared and I are both pretty much done with this separation thing. I told him that after this experience I am pretty much never leaving his side for the next 60 years or so. I plan to be a magnet to him every waking second. Luckily for him I will have a newborn and twins interfering with that and he will need to leave me to go to work or else he may grow tired of me being his shadow.
In all honesty I feel blessed to have carried Addison well past what was expected but I also have enough preemie experience to know that I desire to keep her in even longer. Despit that fact, I feel the pull towards home very strongly and some days it feels like it is winning. I talked to my Dr. about a break from this place and unfortunately they no longer do passes. Insurances put the breaks on that b/c they say if you are well enough to go home you are well enough to be discharged. I am bummed but at the same time I know I am in the best place for me and Addison.
Some of the ordinary moments I miss:
*goodnight kisses and songs
*just watching cartoons
*silly smiles while wearing Mama's slippers
*quiet moments of play
*along with the "not so quiet" moments
I know that this is a season and it will pass. In a couple of months our lives will be back to it's somewhat "normal" routine but more importantly I know God has his hand in this an that I have HIS strength to rely on when I feel like mine is gone. Please keep us in your prayers. All continues to go well with my tests and she appears to be a healthy 29 week and 2 day year old! :)