Friday I was home, blissfully unaware of what was taking place in Connecticut. Jared called me and I turned on the TV. Devastating. Unsettling. Disgusting. A tragedy like this is so difficult to comprehend. The boys were at school. I wanted them home. After watching a bit of the coverage, I turned it off and went to my bedroom to pick up. In it I found the boys pajamas that they hadn't put in the hamper. Alex's blanket that he'd left on our bed where we'd been snuggled up that morning. It all hit me like a wave time and time again that there were precious kindergarten children just like Alex and Eli whose parents would be coming home to the same thing and it would wreck them. Their babies were not coming home.
I can honestly say I haven't watched any of the coverage since that day. Some would argue that I am unconnected to this horrific tragedy that our country is facing and even I felt that way a bit the day after. Now that we are a few days away from what took place on Friday, I'd disagree. This past weekend and since, each time I smile at my kids when they are just being kids, each time Alex laughs or Eli gives me a hug or I hear Addie squeal with delight I have that parent feeling where I swell with delight, feeling so blessed. All parents understand that feeling and it is heightened during times of tragedy. That feeling is followed by what feels a bit like a punch to the gut and I am reminded of what several parents and family members in Connecticut are not hearing, feeling, experiencing. It is at that moment I pray for them.
I am an optimist. I look for lessons. I look for the positive. There of course are some lessons that will be learned through all of this. It is impossible for this not to change people. Some find hope in clinging to the good that they still see in the world and while it is possible to find some of that, it is not what I see in the midst of this unspeakable tragedy.
I see the complete depravity of man.
I see our need for a Savior.
There are a lot of verses in scripture about God healing our wounds and taking care of us but the verse that brought me comfort, and will continue to, is:
Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain...
I have Hope. Not in this world. I have hope that we are not home yet. We are not, but there are sweet elementary children that are. Their parents, families, friends are all hurting and suffering and are still in this world that took their babies from them. But I have hope that my Savior is caring for them in a way that we can not do here on this earth.
That is where my hope lies. In my salvation. In my Savior, Jesus Christ, I have great confidence. The beauty about this hope that I have is that it can be had by each of us. We can all have confidence in what our future holds. Scripture says that "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved".
If you haven't and you are reading this I pray that you will cry out to God and ask him to save your from this sin cursed world, from your own sins and let him know that you believe he came and died just for you, so that you could experience this hope.
If you already have accepted Christ, I pray that you will cling to this confidence. Find hope in it. Pray that others see your hope and want it.
I am again convinced that this world needs a Savior. I pray that we will turn to him. He is waiting.